Not a Cruel Man
by slantedwonders
Summary: Dr. Leonard McCoy does not consider himself a cruel man. McCoy's thoughts about Spock and their relationship during a scene from the episode "Bread and Circuses."


_Author's Notes_:This was actually my first ever Star Trek fanfic. I quite enjoyed writing it and I really like how it turned out. This is based on a scene from the original series episode "Bread and Circuses" written by Gene Roddenbury and Gene L. Coon. Basically Kirk, McCoy, and Spock are being held captive on a planet with a Roman-esque society. This emperor is quite fond of Kirk and wants his cooperation, so he forces McCoy and Spock to fight Gladiator style (literally) against the two greatest fighters in the kingdom. McCoy screams "I'M A DOCTOR NOT A GLADIATOR!" while Spock smashes the apparently great fighters into the floor and saves McCoy's medical butt. The fight is stopped and McCoy and Spock are carted off to their cell while Kirk and the emperor have a chat. We get a great scene between McCoy and Spock in the cell and this is my interpretation of what McCoy is thinking during that scene. The episode itself is not remarkable, but it's worth watching just for this scene. Nimoy and Kelley really bring it. It's one of the greatest moments betwen them

_Pairing_: Kirk/Spock, but it could also be read as McCoy/Spock or McCoy/Kirk or Kirk/McCoy/Spock (I'm not really sure if I managed that or if it was G &G in their script... I'm gonna go with G & G)

_Rating_: K+ for Bones and his snark

_Disclaimer_: I own nothing. Not a thing. Not even the horribly butchered episode summary. I also don't own the dialogue in this. It comes directly from the episode. **Again, the dialogue is FROM the episode.** **It is not mine.** I am not making any money off of this. Don't sue me. (Mainly because all I'd be able to give you is my cell phone, a dodgy laptop, and my battered copy of Sherlock Holmes.)

Read and Review!

* * *

**Not a Cruel Man**

Doctor Leonard McCoy does not consider himself a cruel man. He feels the term "harsh" is used unfairly in his description. He is well aware that he has a bit of a temper and that he can be rather…impatient with certain people (namely those of the pointy-eared variety), but he's not a cruel man. He's a doctor, not a sadist. He would never intentionally harm another crew member. Chekov would probably disagree, but that's another matter entirely.

It's not that he hates Spock. He'll admit that he doesn't care for the Vulcan, but they get along well enough…when it counts. It's just that Spock is frustrating. McCoy finds his lack of emotion and stoicism disturbing. He made it his personal goal to elicit an emotional response from Spock. So far, he'd been unsuccessful. (Though there was that one time…but that was because of Jim, so it doesn't count.)

Now, McCoy understands that some of their arguments can be difficult to comprehend. How many times has some kid called Jim when they were simply having a bit of fun? Or how many times has Jim not been notified when McCoy was ready to let the punches fly? To be fair, he doesn't always know when he's joking either. Some of his jibes are aimed a bit below the belt. McCoy can still here Jim saying, "Bones, I don't want to have to explain to Starfleet Command why my Chief Medical Officer was strangled by my First Officer." At the time he'd felt that death would have been worth it, just to see the anger in Spock's eyes.

Over the years McCoy has learned to read certain cues on the Vulcan body. The tension of the muscles around the shoulder blades is a sign of nervousness or frustration. He would bet his entire life savings that Spock is frustrated. He'd been at it for an hour now, trying to get the damned bars to give, but to no avail. Apparently, the "Roman's" could make Vulcan-proof prisons.

"Angry, Mr. Spock, or frustrated, perhaps?" McCoy knows that now is not really the time to taunt him, but he can't help it. He knows Spock is feeling something and he just wants the damn goblin to admit it!

"Such emotions are foreign to me, Doctor. I am merely testing the strength of the door."

"For the 15th time." Despite himself, McCoy finds himself vaguely amused. There is something funny about Spock's blatant denial of his almost obvious emotions. Well, as obvious as they can be.

Watching Spock fiddle with the hinge again is difficult to do. Spock had saved his life, much to the distaste of their "Roman" captors. Mind you, McCoy still isn't sure why they made him fight in the first place. He's a doctor, not a gladiator! What the hell did they think was going to happen? But, anyway, he's had over an hour to come up with an appropriate way of showing gratitude and still doesn't have anything better than a good, old fashioned "Thank you." He's not convinced that it'll accomplish anything, but, hell, he owes the man his life.

"Spock…" He stands and walks over to the door. The Vulcan is still searching for some weakness. "Spock, uh, I know we've had our disagreements, uh, maybe they're jokes. I don't know. As Jim says, we're not often sure ourselves sometimes. But, uh, what I'm trying to say is-"

"Doctor, I am seeking a means of escape. Would you please be brief."

"Well, what I'm trying to say is, you saved my life in the arena." McCoy can feel an odd chuckle forming the back of his throat and an amused smile spreading across his face like all this is just a story they'll tell their kids some day. If they live long enough to reach that point.

"Yes, that's quite true." It's the matter-of-fact, nonchalant, unemotional Spock that really pisses McCoy off.

"I'm trying to thank you, you pointed-eared hobgoblin!" Oh, there's that temper of his again. But Spock ruined his attempt at civility, so it's really all his fault.

"Oh, yes," Spock begins like it's just dawned on him that McCoy would ever think to thank him. "You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude. 'You're welcome' I believe is the correct response." Spock passes to the other side of the bars to make another attempt to coax them out of their solid state. McCoy is practically seething. He tries to be civil and good to Spock and gets this kind of response instead! It's simply not right!

"However, Doctor," Spock continues, "you must remember that I am entirely motivated by logic. The loss of our ship's surgeon, whatever I think of his relative skill, would mean a reduction in the efficiency of the Enterprise, and therefore-"

Oh, that's it! McCoy has had enough this…this Vulcan bullshit! Spock crouches down to examine the bottom of the doorframe (again) and McCoy is next to him, pressing his shoulder to the wall so they can face each other, something they can rarely ever do. McCoy is too angry to see the minute shock that crosses Spock's face.

"Do you know why you're not afraid to die, Spock?" McCoy's words come out harsher than he really wanted them to, but he's beyond expressing gratitude and other annoyingly human pleasantries. He's tired of Spock acting like he's so much better when he's still partly human himself, he's exhausted, his arm aches from trying to fend of sword blows, and he just wants to save Jim, get back on the Enterprise and go the hell home!

"You're more afraid of living." It would be an understatement to say that McCoy was enjoying this. For the first time since he's met him, he has Spock cornered. "Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip, and let your human half peek out." There is a moment of triumph when Spock looks away and McCoy's got him. For the first time, McCoy's truly got him!

"That's it, isn't it? Insecurity." There is a minute change in Spock's expression, the way he holds his body. McCoy wants to shout "Finally!" but he's on a roll and wouldn't dare miss this opportunity. "Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling."

When Spock turns back to him, there is a moment where the Vulcan dark eyes express everything. Every feeling going through Spock's body is suddenly and painfully obvious. There is worry, regret and fear. A lingering loneliness and sadness sit deeper, beneath a layer of film. These emotions are old. They're apart of Spock.

"Really, Doctor?" The words are almost heartbreaking. McCoy feels like he's been stabbed. For a moment he's angry because, damn it, this battle was his and he still managed to lose. But that's not what this is about. They're not even supposed to be enemies.

There is a voice at the back of McCoy's mind that sounds suspiciously like Spock. It says things like "I am worried about Jim" and "They could do anything do him and we are powerless to stop them." It says "Jim is my friend." The voice fizzles out as though it was never there. McCoy catches the pause before the word "friend." He has a vague feeling that it's a replacement for another word and he's slightly frightened that he knows what that word is.

"I know," McCoy says. He knows Spock and Jim are friends. He knows he was in the wrong for attacking Spock like that. He knows Spock feels. He knows how he feels about… "I'm worried about Jim, too."

Doctor Leonard McCoy does not consider himself a stupid man. He may not have the observational skills of a Vulcan, but he is a doctor and not all symptoms are as obvious as sneezing or shiny purple boils. He sees the simple, small things. He notices things like Jim glancing at Spock with a little too much affection or Spock looking away or leaving the room when Jim flirts with someone. He notices that they would do anything to save each other. None of these things really mean anything, but McCoy knows what's buried there. He knows the concern that is encased in the stone of Spock's face is for someone who is more than a friend. He won't mention it or draw attention to it. This is the one thing of Spock's he'll let be. McCoy is not a cruel a man, regardless of was Chekov might say.


End file.
